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Monday, August 10, 2009

god put me in my place

It has been a rough 7 months in my life lately. And I had no problem giving myself a pitty party about it either. When my job changed in Jan 09, my life changed. I went from doing one program/event at the ADA to taking on 4 programs/events. I went from being a part of ZERO committees, to being in charge of THREE. I went from working 9-5 to every month having 2-3 committees meetings lasting till 8 or so. The list goes on. 

And I continued to give myself a pitty party.

My life went from crazy, to UNREAL. I kept telling myself everything will work out and it will get better, and it did....from time to time. I tried to keep a positive attitude. Let's be honest, for not having my degree yet, I am making very good money with full benefits, so in a sense, I couldn't complain. 

I have worked my tail off and for some reason, it never felt like I was doing the right thing. I was overwhelmed, stressed, angry, over worked and underpaid. I am the only person in the office to have multiple events/programs that I am in charge of. 

And I continued to give myself a pitty party.

Last week, I cried at my job. So unprofessional, I know. I cried for a number of reasons and these reasons have been collecting over the past 7 months. I cried pretty much all day. With my door closed. My boss walked in, it was quite embarrassing. Oh well. He works with all women, what does he expect right? I know it made him a little nervous when he saw my crying. I cried that night to Brandon too. I don't ever cry. ever. So this meant business. I cried the same story I have been crying for the past 7 months. I was stressed, overwhelmed, tired, confused, angry and upset. I cried because Brandon doesn't have a teaching job yet and I just want him to get a job. I know he can but right now the market is tough. It really has been a difficult season for Brandon and I. We both feel that our backs have been against the wall for so long and all we just want is one chance. One chance for a break through. And, it hasn't happened yet. We have discussed that we know it's not on our time and we need to be patient. I've questioned God several times. Not because I am unfaithful, but because I feel I have the right to question the God I love. Brandon and I are going to continue to be faithful and patient. 

And I continued to give myself a pitty party.

That same day, I had received a phone call that I never thought I would receive. My friend Ashley called me to tell me that a dear family friend had committed suicide. Some of you who are reading this will know who I am talking about. The minute I heard this, I broke down again, just after breaking down the first time at my job. Just when I thought life was ALL about ME...

....God put me in my place.

He put me in my place. A place I have failed to be in for 7 months. A place where IT'S NOT ABOUT ME. I realized that a dear family friend had taken her life because Satan had gotten a hold of her. This woman was truly amazing. She hosted my church shower, she was in the softball community, which is a family in it's own, she was cheerful, energenic, positive, beautiful inside and out, and she definitely emulated a Christian woman. Her funeral was beautiful, just like she was. It was a celebration of her life, although sad and heartbreaking, it was also beautiful. Sitting at the funeral today, I thought, how selfish am I these past few months. What really matters in life, isn't my job or my anger towards my job. What matters in life is relationships, families and friends. Today, God put me in my place

God put me in my place. 

God knows when to come in at the right time and put you in your place. I am so thankful that I have a God who will put me in my place but yet love me at the same time. I am so thankful for the God I serve who loves me for me. Even though I have questioned him the past few months, he still has faith in me as I do in him. I serve a mighty God who loves through thick and thin and gives love that is everlasting. I serve a God who is gentle yet so powerful. I serve a God who gives and takes away. 

God put me in my place and for that, I am thankful.

To Mrs. Kiser - You were very dear to my family and I and you will be missed so very much. May the peace and love of God be with you always. Rest in Peace.


rOxaNne bRaDfoRd said...

love you k-anne!

The Doty's said...

love you girl. i know today was tough for you...i've been prayin and will keep praying for you guys.