I am totally and completely not ready for you to be here. You have snuck up on my little family and I don't like it one bit, you hear me? Do you realize what August means? It means my baby turns 1, summer is over, daddy goes back to work, momma goes back to work and I have to take my beautiful sweet baby girl to "school".
I am so not ready for this.
I'm not ready for change. I'm not ready to set my alarm clock. I'm not ready to hit the snooze button. I'm not ready to wake up at dark-thirty to get myself ready and then my baby ready. I'm not ready to leave my baby 8-10 hours a day. I'm not ready to give someone else control of taking care of my sweet girl. I'm not ready to drop Bristol off at her first day of "school". I'm not ready to anticipate sad tears coming from my baby when she realizes momma is leaving. I'm not ready to not wear my pajama's almost all day long. I'm not ready to sometimes put on a happy face when sometimes I'm not happy. I'm not ready to not be able to make random trips to Chick-fil-a for my dose of diet dr. pepper. I'm not ready to give my a lot of my freedom. I'm not ready to give up my title as "stay at home mom". I'm not ready to "leave" the playgroup Bristol and I are in and have grown to love. I'm just not ready, ok?
I am praying that these feelings of "I'm not ready" will go away, sooner than later. I am praying that my feelings of anxiety and worry with disappear. I am praying that a peace of understanding will cover my body in the upcoming days. I am praying that I will accept that going back to work is the best choice for my family right now. I am praying that the spirit of the Lord will help me transition into this "new normal".
I'm hoping my next post I can share with you about my new job and some other happenings going on like Bristol's first birthday theme.
Until then....
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2 comments:
The first time you drop her of will be really hard and you will probably cry most of the day. This was me but I was also dropping her off when mine was muh younger and she didn't really know the difference. As long as you are happy with where she will be it will get better. It is still sometimes hard for me to leave Kelbie and she is almost 2. August will be a test for us too since she will be starting school, will be part of extended day in the morning and afternoon and has a new sitter on the days she isn't in school. You will start to feel better about it on e you get into a routine I promise just might take a little longer then you want it too.
This blog made me sad for you, but I know you will do great. I bet you might even like the change of pace, and I'm sure B will love "school". It will just be a new and fun adventure for her. Praying for you during this transition, I'm sure it's so scary! Can't wait to celebrate that little 1 year old munchkin girl!
Bethany
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