not ready for this

 

In less than 2 months, I will be sending my sweet baby girl to "school" ( daycare, but I hate that word). I know the time was going to come sooner or later. It seriously pains me to think she will be in the care of someone else other than ME. Often, I will be watching Bristol play on the ground and I get teary eyed thinking about the first day I drop her off at school. I know I am going to be an emotional wreck. I also know that it's going to take some "getting use to" with dropping her off everyday. I like the school she will be going to, it's clean, has video cameras on her room so anyone 

(my family) can log in to a password secure website and watch Bristol, and the doors remain locked all day, that way no Joe-Smoe can walk in. We are paying a lot of money every week, but you get what you pay for and those items I listed above are so very important to me. They offer something called " discovery days" where I can drop Bristol off at school for a few hours and she will get to be in her class, meet her teachers and new friends and try and get familiar with everything. I will probably do this in July. I'm sure I will get emotional dropping her off. 

I just get this picture in my mind of me handing Bristol off to her teacher and he just looking at me with such a sad face. I mean, what if her teachers don't do everything I have asked? What if they don't change her diaper soon enough and she gets a bad rash? What if they don't give her her bottle when she needs it. What if she is playing on the ground and she tips over and bumps her head because she is still a little wobbly with sitting up?? I'm a control freak when it comes to Bristol. I mean, I want it done the way I would do it, just ask Brandon. I'm worried they won't follow me written instructions, I'm worried about so many things. I'd be lying to you if I said I wasn't. I know that so many families send their child to day care and they are happy with their chosen place, but gosh, I am scared. I'm sitting here tearing up about it. I want Bristol to like it, I want her to get the most out of it, I really do. I'm sure she will, I know she will. I remember when I used to work at Primrose when I was younger. Parent's would drop off their child and the child would cry, scream and just throw a fit. I can't help but think that as Bristol becomes more aware of what is going on and that I won't be around during the day, she will start to do things like this. Oh... my mind has wandered about so many things. I could keep going.

I hate that I am going to miss so many things she will do during the day. Like, what if she learns to walk at school and I MISS that? My mind is flooded with things that I won't be present for like I am present for right now.

I am so very thankful for this time that her and I have gotten to spend with each other. I know that not every mom can be a "stay at home mom", I was lucky enough to be one for a year. Off to work I go in August, without my baby. I just wish I could bring her with me. She would be so well behaved :) Speaking of behavior, Bristol really has no issues with other people holding her. She has been around other babies/kids and adults her whole 10 months of life. I know that this will help when it's time to go to "school". Well,  at least I hope it will.

I find myself in constant prayer over this situation. Although I am sad/mad/upset/scared and anything else you can think of, I am excited to go back to work and a part of me feels guilty about that. I am excited about bringing in some much needed income and having some "me" time. My prayer is that I have a sense of peace and comfort about this situation. It's constantly on my mind and heart and I want it to be a good feeling, not a sad feeling.

I guess that is all for now. If you would like to, please say a prayer or 2 or 3 or everyday for myself, Brandon and Bristol during this time of transition. 

Thank's ya'll!

9 months of sweetness

 Bristol Elaine is 9 months old, well actually, she is almost 10 months old....... sigh. I have been meaning to write this post for days now, DAYS! But, life has been super busy lately between photo shoots, the end of the school year for Brandon, birthdays, parties - you name it, we've been to it or celebrated it. Bristol is 1 week away from turning 10 months and I am finally getting to this post. 

She had her 9 month check up a couple weeks ago and she clocked in at 16.05 lbs, 27 inches long.... still my little peanut. She falls into the 10% for her age. No shots at the last appointment, thank goodness. Next appointment is her 1 year..... which makes me a little sad to think about. I still can't believe how fast the last almost 10 months have gone by. There are so many moments over the last 10 months that I can recall like it happened yesterday, and here we are, 2 months shy of her first birthday? I hope that I don't ever forget the sweet moments that are engraved in my memory.

 Bristol's Dr. wanted to start her on 3 meals a day, and since that appointment, we have followed her request.... well for the most part. There might be a day or two that she will only get 2 meals ( with 4-6 bottles a day ). If our schedule is crazy busy, 2 meals it is. She loves ALL fruit, bread, turkey, chicken, noodles, yogurt melts, puffs, kidney beans and baby food. I am slowly getting her off the baby food, I still have some jars left and I don't want to waste them.

 She still LOVES to look at her hands. I'm sure she is thinking " hmmm.. these things come in handy!" She will turn her hand around and just stare at it, it's precious. 

 There are those hands again. :)

 She has gotten so good at using her pointer finger and thumb to pick things up. In fact, she often wants to feed herself. She will push my hands out of the way. Actually, she will push my hands out of the way for a lot of things. Makes me kind of sad that she doesn't want momma to help her but at the same time, it's so neat to see her become more independent and explore things. 

 Bristol took her first  real "vacation" during her 9th month. We ventured out to Oklahoma City to go to the Women's College World Series. My dad, myself and Bristol flew out on a Wednesday and came back that Sunday. We had a great time and Bristol was SUPER BABY. I swear, she never cried or got upset. She fussed a couple of times but that was due to lack of sleep. She was such a trooper and I certainly could not have done that trip alone. Traveling with a baby is WORK. 

 She still loves the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. We have tried Baby Einstein, Praise Baby and anything else you can think... she really isn't interested. She loves her Mickey friends. She got these 3 new friends on our trip. She loved them and I LOVED seeing her with them. She loves stuffed animals, it's the cutest thing. 

 Bristol's eyes are the prettiest I have ever seen. I know I'm her mom, but goodness gracious, they are piercing blue. She is getting to where she won't wear a bow much anymore, makes me sad. She attempts to rip it off a lot, but I will put it back on :) 

 I finally got around to taking her 9 month photos. I attempted it one evening at an old house down the road from where we live, but the sun was so bright that none of the pictures turned out. This pettiskirt was made by a sweet friend of mine. She is soooooo talented. She has made Bristol several different outfits, one of which is her july 4th outfit...it's sooo cute!

Right after this picture, Bristol rolled right over. Rolling over is her mode of transportation. She isn't crawling yet which is OK with me. She is acting like she wants to, she just needs to put all the parts together. She also isn't pulling up on anything either, I am working with her on that as well. She really has a mind of her own and does things on her own time.

Bristol loved cheering at the softball games. She also really loves clapping and waving "Hi" to people. She is very social and will smile at anyone. She used to not smile at anyone and it was quite funny. Her personality has truly blossomed over the last month or so. She loves riding in the shopping cart and "hamming" it up for all to see.

 She doesn't seem to mind to be in the grass, she will kick those little legs when she sits in it, it's funny. The look on her face in this picture cracks me up. We couldn't get her to smile for some reason, we tried everything! 

 We celebrated Daddy's birthday in May. He sure does love his girl and she sure does love her "dada". Dada is her first word. She will say it over and over again, it melts your heart. Although I want her to say "momma", I love the fact that she says dada. Actually, she started to say "nonna" which I believe she is trying to say "momma". I'll just go with it :)

Love this picture of my 2 loves. They were just playing around. It doesn't get much better than this.

 Bristol's monthly crib picture! It's been fun to look back and see how much she has changed from each month. 

 Those cheeks are precious. A lot of people comment on her eyes and cheeks and I know why! 

 Wish my girl was smiling but I still adore this picture of us. We don't have very many pictures together that are good. Well, that are good of me. I am usually in my dingy clothes with no makeup. But I love this one. I love how our eyes match.

Nothing better than a porch and rocking chairs. She looks angry in this picture which kind of makes me laugh. This day, we coulnd't get her to smile. 

Bristol Elaine, momma loves you so much. I love you from the top of your head to the tips of your toes and everything in between. You are my precious little angel and I thank God for you everyday. I love you BooBoo!